I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
