Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
