Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
