if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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