if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
