I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
