...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Randomize
