if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
