No awkward lesbian experiences without me
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize