I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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