In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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