I wanna bring you to show and tell
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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