So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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