apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
