I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize