i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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