It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
