just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Are we still banned from the library?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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