My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
