somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
