just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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