yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
