Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize