Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
