There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
