He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
