mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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