Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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