Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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