Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
When are your genitals available?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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