God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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