i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
