is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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