Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
someone threw a dead crab at me
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
