And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
