Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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