Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
