I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
