I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
