he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Randomize
