Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
