guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
