Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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