The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
