you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
