So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
