only you would photoshop your dick
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
