my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Randomize