I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My pussy is not your playground.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
