swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize