my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
