If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
