I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
