So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize