She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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