omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize