yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
