I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
