none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
did you just send me my own nude
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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