What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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