the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
i've created a new STD.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
