I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Everyone says I win the strip club
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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