I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize