my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
