Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
