I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
