Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize