Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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