do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize