you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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