Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
