She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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