If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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