Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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