oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
