so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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