If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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