he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
