I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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