I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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