are you still at the devil's house?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I deserve this hangover.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
