Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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