Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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