I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
