she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
