Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
