Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
